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Is there an online poker site you'd like to review? |
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Tell Us About It! |
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Fast Poker |
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Pro Rating :
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User Ratings :
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Avg. Rating :
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| Reviewed By Kris Takahashi |
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About Fast Poker |
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Poker Site
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Summary Review
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Fast Poker has recently shut down. If you were an active customer of this site at the time of closing and have yet to recover your funds, we recommend you do so immediately.
When URL's are being gobbled up faster than Kirstie Alley eats cheesesteaks, you get poker rooms that are essentially named after ridiculous notions or at times confusing at best. Such is the case with Fast Poker, one of the newer online poker rooms. Now unless they are attempting to put a ban on slow players, I am not sure what Fast Poker is supposed to mean. The rest of the Fast Poker online poker room, to say the least, is a comedy of such errors and quandary.
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Year Started
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2005
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Country
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United Kingdom
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Languages
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English
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Overall Rating
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Rates 1 out of 5 stars.
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Fast Poker Online Poker Features |
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Size Rating
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Player Feedback Rating
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Customer Service Rating
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Banking Rating
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Game Play Rating
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Game Selection Rating
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Security Rating
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Recommended For
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beginner
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Deposit Types
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Bank Transfer
Bank Wire
Check
Credit Card
Firepay
NETeller
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Withdrawal Terms
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Withdrawal methods include: Debit card and bank wire transfers
One free withdrawal per month
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Poker Games
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Texas Hold'em
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Rake
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Up to $3 maximum
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Play Multiple
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1
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Play Free
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1
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Limits
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Fixed limit games, pot limit, no limit
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Recent Promotions
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None
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Bonuses
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Bonus Description
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Tournaments
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Security
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128 SSL
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Fast Poker Pros & Cons |
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Pros
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None
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Cons
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Bad tournaments
No major satellites
Relatively unattractive promotions
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Fast Poker Review |
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Reviewed by
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Kris Takahashi
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The Company
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Fast Poker is operated by Penny Lane Holdings, a registered company incorporated and located in the British Virgin Islands.
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Site Navigation
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Poor
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Site Response Speed
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Fast
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Services Offered
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Poker Room
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User Experience
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Negative
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Full Review
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The Poker Website
Fast Poker immediately touts the installation of a brand new software, which makes me wonder what in the world was wrong with the old one. Besides, I wasn't even aware they had an old one. This is a lot like the man who blurts out his excuse for being late when the wife didn't notice he was late in the first place. Banking involves a large virtual ATM, which is a lousy attempt to make the poker gaming experience more real. The cheesy ATM graphic fools no one and only furthers the derision from the general public. In terms of options, you have NETeller, FirePay and DirectTeller, along with a host of offline deposit options, like mailing in your check. No word on how the virtual ATM machine manages to deposit those.
Playing the Poker
Graphically, the poker table isn't that bad, but in a perverse effort to be different, the poker table is slanted at a 45 degree angle. As I turned my neck to watch the action, I inadvertently broke several vertebrae and had to be rushed to the hospital. When the doctor asked me what happened, I explained to him that it was that damn Fast Poker, to which he replied, "perhaps you should slow down when you play." When I told him I was with the Bureau and that I was investigating an online poker room that only featured Fast Poker, he feigned understanding and went on with his work. Just goes to show you, doctors are idiot posers when it comes to the real world. On the poker tournament front, Fast Poker has single poker table, multi-table and daily poker freerolls. This is the equivalent of buying pants with no pockets. Sure, you have something to wear, but how are you going to hide your hand when you are known to excessively touch yourself?
Bonuses and Poker Promos
Regardless of your initial Fast Poker deposit, everyone has a chance to win up to $100, on a $10 per 250 raked hand basis. Oh, but there's a catch. You have only 30 days to reach that Fast Poker bonus and thus must play 2,500 raked hands within the first month, nearly 100 raked hands a day. That, my friends, is a lot of poker, which may explain the whole "Why do they call it Fast Poker" dilemma. In addition, referrals can generate $50 for yourself and $25 for your referred person. Standard stuff, really.
Poker Service
Now, normally when the owners of a poker room want to pump up the image of their fledging customer service area, they employ some hot model wearing some kind of headset device. However, in the case of Fast Poker, they don't even bother with the hiring of an actual model, but in fact draw one instead, showing the depths of their own frugality. Fast Poker "live chat" option is an abomination, some strange quiz in the form of a pop-up window, that hardly resembles an actual person. It was then that I realized that I wasn't dealing with people at all, but drawn up figures and that there were no actual Fast Poker service representatives. The whole thing was a charade. Furthermore, don't expect speedy answers, for when I questioned an associate named "Larry" for the rake schedule, he took a whopping ten minutes to find an answer. He eventually gave me the answer and I thanked him and told him not to worry, I am certain there are plenty Chinese ladies named Larry in this world. On the other hand, Fast Poker has toll free telephone numbers anywhere from France to Thailand and so regardless of where you are in the world, phoning in to bitch about your problems won't be a hassle.
Overall Poker Rating
Fast Poker is far from a serviceable poker site, with limited poker games, limited poker tournaments and no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The lack of even a viable poker bonus option is the final nail in the coffin.
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